Kiss a Frog (The Book Club Series 1) Read online

  Kory had been a bad, bad boy, with a motorcycle and muscles for days. Lily had been the foolish fatty who fell hard for him almost instantly as he slathered her up with sticky sweet words. She was angry with her life, and hated the silver spoon she’d been born with in her mouth, so she spat it out and went rogue. That night she rode off with him on the back of his bike and never looked back. Well, until she busted him cheating. Then there had been the whole messy fiasco of his passport and most of his money coming up missing and her going back stateside.

  By that point, freshman year of college was nearly over, and it was just too late for her to jump into the sorority sister mentality that Abby and Laura had. So she worked and ignored her parents’ pleas to straighten up. First she worked as a sales person at a local retail chain, then when they refused her a raise after two years, she went to another, and was finally in a sweet spot at the mall. Somehow, the three girls had hung together through it all, probably only because of the Book Club.

  Lily often felt like a hanger on with them, they had careers and were real grown-ups. Abby worked as an accountant, and Laura worked in the same building as an advertiser. They were together. Always together…Lily was just the third wheel, and she knew it.

  A part of her wondered if they kept her on because they felt sorry for her. She was determined to have something before the rest of them, though, and that was a hot, steamy, sexy as sin boyfriend. She would kiss all the frogs she had to until she met Mr. Right. She was tired of Mr. Right Now.

  Mr. Right could’ve been the guy I puked on…but I’ll never know now!

  If she played her cards right, she’d be a manager by her birthday too. That meant actually showing up to work on time and pretending she gave a shit. It was frankly time to grow up with the edge of thirty breathing down her neck. But with an hour and a half left before work, she had one thing to do first. Picking a website that was advertised relentlessly on TV, she paid her twenty-three ninety-five, mentally groaning at another wasted chunk of change and began setting up her profile.

  This will be easy…

  Ten minutes later, with sweaty palms and a lump in her throat, she stared at the falsified profile information she’d typed into the form.

  Name: Lily

  Age: 29

  Height: 5’4”

  Weight: 150

  Occupation: Novelist

  Hobbies: Reading, writing, traveling

  What you look for in a partner: Someone who is funny and goal oriented.

  What you do not want in a partner: An asshole.

  She knew damn well she was going straight to the bottom of hell for lying. Truth was, she was Lily, aged twenty-nine, five foot four only with heels on, one hundred and fifty pounds maybe fifteen years ago, who worked at a retail store in the mall, with only reading as a hobby. Novelist she was not.

  The last thing she had to do was upload a picture. Scrolling through her pictures, she found her favorite, one taken in front of the Eiffel Tower when she’d been dating Kory. Yes, it was ten years old, but who honestly put real pictures of themselves up on dating websites? No one, that’s who.

  Her finger hovered over the Enter key on her keyboard and as though fate grabbed her hand and made it move, she pressed the button. As her profile uploaded, she did the same thing she’d done since forever when she got nervous…she ran to the bathroom and puked, long and hard into the toilet.

  It was too late, the deed was done, and she was online. She self-consciously reached for her ass, checking to see if maybe it was on fire for all her lies. So far so good…now I have to get ready for work.

  She showered quickly, and brushed the vomit out of her teeth before getting dressed. They didn’t have uniforms at work, but they were expected to dress nicely. As she yanked on her stretchy black pants and flopped across the bed to button them, she groaned. Too many muffins…but they’re so good!

  Her triple D boobs were hoisted into her ugly granny boulder holder, and she pulled a thin, pink sweater on top of it. Glancing in her full length mirror, she winced at the girl staring back at her. Boobs, too big. Belly, too big. Butt, oh God, way too big. Mousy brown hair and big eyes.

  Not even bothering to put on makeup or do more to her damp hair than sweep it into a clip, she jammed her feet into her comfortable loafers and rushed for the door. Slinging her purse over her shoulder, she grabbed her ugly brown smock and hurried out of her raggedy apartment.

  Laura and Abby lived in the “good” neighborhood, each having a fabulous apartment with a killer view of the skyline. Lily lived just short of the ghetto in a cheap apartment owned by a grumpy old woman who chain smoked and shot at cats with a BB gun. Running out of the building, she unlocked her 1986 Honda and opened the door. It squealed in protest, and she shoved it open anyway.

  Slipping in behind the wheel, she shut the door and stuck her key in the ignition. The car spluttered slightly, then roared to life, and she pulled out into traffic. If the Gods smiled down upon her, she’d have time to actually stop and get a muffin and coffee before work. What was that sound? Oh, it was just my pants seams screaming for mercy...

  She skirted the coffee shop she’d had her mishap at the night before and settled for the crappy coffee place in the mall near her work. They never quite got the coffee strength just right, but it would do in a pinch. Hell, any addict will tell you that even if it’s not good, as long as you get some it’s better than nothing.

  Parking her car, she got out and rushed into the mall, with barely ten minutes to spare before her shift started. The line at the coffee shop was mercifully short, and she ordered an iced peppermint Frappuccino and a blueberry muffin. Sitting on one of the tiny chairs in the food court, she eyeballed her phone and watched the minutes tick down as she inhaled the muffin.

  Wiping as many crumbs off her sweater as she could, she downed her coffee, and hauled ass for her job. She kept her head down as she almost ran through the store and punched her time card with one minute to spare. Score!

  Pulling on her ugly smock, she pasted a smile on her face and went to work. Eight hours of answering customer questions, endlessly folding mussed up tops, and pretending that she didn’t want to strangle the life out of everyone was exhausting. I’m pretty sure the only reason no one has died today is because I don’t want to go to prison.

  Finally, at the end of the night she helped her co-worker, Olivia, close up shop. They were acquaintances, maybe even friends, but they’d never really hung out together much.

  “Been a long day.” Olivia sighed, taking the money out of the register and sliding it into their black zippered bag.

  “Ugh, I swear sometimes customers get dumber and dumber as the days pass,” Lily responded, counting out her own till.

  “And just think, we get to do it tomorrow.” Olivia chuckled softly.

  “I think I’m being punished for a past life or something,” Lily groaned. “Or maybe for my stupidity.”

  “Mmm,” Olivia murmured. She knew the story of Kory, but had never really said what her opinion was on the matter.

  Lily double checked the shelves and made sure the morning shift would be good to go. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

  “You got it!” Olivia agreed as she stuck the bags into the safe. “I’m beat.”

  She followed the girl out of the store and pulled down the metal bars behind them, locking up the store for the night. As she turned around, a frown crossed her mouth as she realized Olivia was already gone. Not that she had any major plans of like inviting her for coffee or anything, but maybe one day she would, and now she couldn’t do it tonight, even if she’d wanted to.

  Shuffling out of the mall, she stifled a yawn behind her hand and barely paid attention to the parking lot as she meandered to her car in the dusky corner of the parking lot. Jack the Ripper could’ve abducted her, and as long as he provided her with coffee before killing her, she might have gone along with what he wanted. Instead, she made it into the car safely and started it.

&
nbsp; Driving out into the dwindling traffic, she contemplated stopping for another coffee, but knew if she did she’d never, ever sleep. Lily without sleep was hell on earth for humankind, so she didn’t like to burden the already damaged ecosystem with such a natural disaster too often.

  Yawning as she pulled into her parking spot near her apartment, she shut off the car and exited the vehicle before hustling inside the building. Unlocking her door and flicking on the light, she stepped inside and dropped everything at the door. There was only one thing that would make her feel better and it was half a bottle of cheap red wine.

  Her kitchen was bright and cheery, covered in red apple décor. It suited her, even though her mother hated it. She told her she liked lots of fruit everywhere because she was just as fruity. Uncorking a fresh bottle of bargain merlot, she poured herself a glass and kicked off her shoes. Excitement filled her suddenly as she remembered her profile on the dating site. Could someone really be interested in me? She topped off her glass and hurried upstairs to her bedroom where her laptop was beckoning.

  It sat open on her desk, and a mouthful of wine caught in her throat as she saw she had four messages in her inbox already. Oh shit! She flopped down in her chair and took another drink of her wine. The first message was from someone called sexmonster23 and her finger hovered over the open button. Chugging the rest of her wine, she gathered her courage and opened it.

  Dear Lily,

  I was absolutely captivated with your profile. You are gorgeous…would you like to hook up sometime and see if I can make your sex box wet? I’m dripping with anticipation to see you…check the picture I attached.

  Waiting for you,

  Harlow

  Her mouth fell open as she opened the included picture. Sexmonster23 was hung like a horse, and she fought the urge to press her nose to the screen to count his inches. Merciful Jesus. Her vag involuntarily clenched, and she looked down at her crotch. Oh, calm down! He’s only after sex! The rest of his pictures painted him as a veritable Adonis. She stood from the computer on shaky legs and rushed downstairs to get the rest of her wine. I’m gonna need this.

  Once she made it back upstairs and was firmly ensconced in front of the laptop, she closed his very impressive snapshot and poured herself more wine. We said we’d be sluts, kiss frogs and see if we could find a prince…I mean, I’m pretty damn sure I could get laid. Should I respond? Kissing frogs could be a lot of fun.

  Dear Harlow,

  When do you want to make me wet?

  Lily

  She blushed hot as she hit send. The worst that would happen would be that he wouldn’t respond, or maybe he would. A part of her hoped he did. She needed some sex. The next message was from a guy calling himself sweethandsome31. She opened his message and sipped her wine.

  Dear Lily,

  I’d love to get together. Maybe we could ride my motorcycle. Check out my profile and see what you think. I’d love to take you off into the sunset.

  Charlie

  All her alarm bells went off at the mention of his motorcycle. He was a bad boy, and she loved bad boys. They were fun, but she’d always had a rough go of bad boys…but they were fun, and wasn’t she supposed to have fun? Topping off her glass, she wrote Charlie back.

  Dear Charlie,

  I’d love to ride your motorcycle. Name the time and the place, and I’m there.

  Lily

  She giggled as she sent it and drank more wine. This is fun! The next message came from kittyluvr45. A snort escaped her lips at the name. Is he talking about like real cats or “kitties?” Her answers were soon revealed as she read his note.

  Dear Lily,

  I would love for you to check out my profile and come to my basement and meet my five cats. There’s Tucker, Paulie, Puss, Leo, and Lover. I bet I can make you purr too if you gave me a chance. Don’t be freaked out by me living in my mom’s basement, I’m a computer programmer, I just choose to save my money by living at home. I promise I can rock your world.

  Message me. Please. – James

  She deleted the message, guffaws escaping from her mouth as she did so. Oh, hell no! I don’t need a guy living in his mom’s basement! The next message came from dirtywhiteboy77.

  Dear Lily,

  Are you interested in a committed man? I am married, but my wife is a total bitch. I’m looking for someone to help me get off. Are you that girl?

  Harry

  She drank more wine and deleted his message. No way, Horny Harry! Having fun was one thing, but wrecking someone’s marriage was not in the cards. As she finished off the bottle of wine, she got messages back from sexmonster23.

  Lily,

  I can make you wet tonight. Wanna hook up? I happen to be staying at the Crowne Royale tonight…my bed is lonely. I’m clean, and horny.

  Harlow

  She gulped. Oh wow. A smile curved her lips and she wrote back quickly while she was feeling ballsy enough from the wine.

  I’m clean. I can meet you there in half an hour. Meet me downstairs.

  Lily

  She didn’t expect him to write back at all, more than likely she would be calling his bluff and he’d never respond. But when her computer beeped, she nearly jumped out of her skin.

  See you soon, beautiful.

  Chapter Three

  Sex Box

  Lily knew she was too drunk to even consider driving, so after she undressed and pulled on a sexy black lace bra and matching panties, she called a cab. Then she shimmied into a pair of stretchy skinny jeans and an emerald green sweater. Letting down her hair, she brushed it quickly and freshened up before rushing out the door.

  Really, I’m too drunk to be going to meet some guy at a hotel. But hell, who cares. Maybe I should text the bitches and let them know I’m meeting someone. You know, stranger danger and all that stuff.

  Pulling her phone from her purse while she waited for a cab, she shot a quick text to both of them in a group message.

  Going to meet a guy. Gonna get laid.

  A few minutes later her phone buzzed in her hand, and she nearly dropped it.

  At ten at night? Be careful!

  It was from the over careful Abby. With an eye roll, she texted back.

  Duh. That’s why I’m texting you. If you don’t hear from me, his name is Harlow and he’s at the Crowne Royale hotel. Send the cops there.

  The cab rolled up to the front of the apartment complex, and she hurried down the steps to the cab. “I need to go to the Crowne Royale hotel, please.” She slid in the seat and closed the door. The cabbie pulled out and meandered through the city to the ritzy Crowne Royale. Her pulse picked up speed with each rotation of the tires. I’m crazy…I shouldn’t be doing this.

  Instead of telling the cab driver to take her back home, she stayed the course. As they pulled up to the hotel, she pulled a twenty dollar bill from her pocket and paid the driver. “Thanks. Keep the change.”

  She exited the car and shifted on her feet for a moment before ambling inside the hotel. The lobby was empty, and relief filled her. He’s not here. Okay, good, I can go home. Turning to run, her hand touched the door, and she was just about to open it when a man’s voice touched her ears.

  “Lily?”

  Shit fire and save the matches.

  She turned and pasted a smile on her face. As she took in the man in front of her, it faltered slightly. Neither of them had been too honest about themselves, and instead of a rock hard body, sexmonster23 sported a bit of a paunch. His pictures must’ve been at least ten years old too.

  “Hi,” she choked out self-consciously.

  “I see your pictures were a little old too. I hope you’re not disappointed…” His voice trailed off, and she shook her head adamantly. Sexmonster23 might still actually be rocking an anaconda in his trousers. If so, she could ignore the rest.

  “I’m not. Are you?” She tugged at the hem of her shirt and blushed.

  “God, no. Your tits are amazing.” His gaze was lecherous and in her half-drun
k haze, Lily liked it.

  “Let’s have a drink.” She nodded in the direction of the bar, and Harlow took the lead, his pace fast, as if he wanted to skip the pleasantries and go straight for sex.

  Her mouth gaped as they entered the opulent hotel bar. Harlow clambered up on a stool, and Lily slid on one beside him.

  “What do you want to drink?” he asked.

  “Cosmopolitan,” Lily responded.

  Harlow waved down the bartender. “A whiskey and a cosmopolitan, please.”

  They were quiet as they waited for their drinks. Finally, Lily broke the silence. “Do you live here in town?”

  “No, I’m here on business. I live in New York.” Harlow took his whiskey from the bartender and sipped it.

  Lily smiled at the bartender and accepted her drink. “Thanks. So, why did you pick me?”

  “I liked your smile and your boobs,” he admitted honestly, a boyish grin touching his lips. “So why did you pick me?”

  Harlow wasn’t bad looking, by any means. His pictures must’ve been from his twenties, because he was easily nearing thirty-five. A touch of silver brushed his temples. “Is it bad if I said it was because of your ahem…asset? It’s been a while for me.”

  “I see,” he murmured. “Well, why don’t we take this party upstairs?”

  “You’re not going to kill me, are you?” Lily choked out around a mouthful of her drink.